cbs 2008-12-26 SHOPPING

Black Friday 2.0.  This is Dave Ross.

You remember how retailers were worried about a disastrous Christmas shopping season:

TAPE:… 54%

And that’s despite the discounts of 40, 50, 60%.   In some stores today it’s buy one get two free.

TAPE:… want home

Well, on the bright side, America finally celebrated a Christmas that had nothing to do with materialism.

And we did it in the face of every shameless temptation the federal government could throw at us!   Bailout after bailout, to the point that the federal reserve now lends banks money for free!   About the only thing left is to legalize counterfeiting!  And STILL people didn’t spend!

Not only that – people won’t even drive, even though gas prices have been cut in half!

Who thought it would come to this:  the government finally invents the free lunch, and no one’s hungry. 

And it would all be fine except there’s a flip side to this new anti-materialistic culture – unemployment.  It’s virtuous thing to be anti-materialistic by choice, but when it’s because you have no money, they call it poverty.

We have come face to face with the horrible truth.  Americans can’t afford NOT to be in hock!   And so the time has come for an all-out totally secular Christmas!  We had the Religious Christmas, with Peace on Earth and fights over Nativity scenes and everybody holding back on the shopping; now it’s time for Secular Christmas where you back the Astrovan to the Costco loading dock and stuff it until the tires pop.

Now this.